instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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