Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
