i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
