You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
