I got chris browned last night
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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