he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We have started to decorate penises.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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