We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
