The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
