remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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