If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
