I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
