Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
