Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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