I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we're so committed to being not committed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
