Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
