i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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