just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
