My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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