Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
