I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
