you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
