Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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