he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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