I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
