He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
