Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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