About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this beer tastes like vomit already
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm at about main and main street
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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