I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
