I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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