Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
