I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
