Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
