My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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