Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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