You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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