i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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