Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
