Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
