I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
