i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
