I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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