I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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