I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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