porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
