I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
