Dual....:-)
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every concussion has its silver lining
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
