Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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