Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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