he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
