apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
