Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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